Certainly, there were more than one reason why I had to let him go. I love him but as the song puts it “sometimes love ain’t enough”. I just needed to break it off because I don’t feel loved and respected. I don’t feel special and I never felt that I was someone important in his life. And just how scared I was, He was somehow reluctant to let the world know that I am his girlfriend. I guess I never felt that he was proud of me.
Another thing is that, I just needed to regain my self worth. I lost it to have him and it turn out that I wasn’t really made to live without it. I have to have it with me always. I was brought up by the family to be the kind of person who lives up to her principles and values. And it just wont’ work if I don’t have it otherwise that would mean I was loved not for the person I truly were. To cut the long story short, I wasn’t at my best when we became a couple. I sold my self short. My parents know it, God knows it, and I know it deep inside.
It wasn’t right at all but that doesn’t change the fact of course that I had loved him with all this heart could ever offer. I trusted him despite everything. I learned to care for him, for his future and how he felt. I actually learned so much from him. Thus, what we had was never really a waste.
For the very first time, I learned to trust a man no matter how hard it may seem. I learned to look beyond the surface and loved him regardless of who he was, what he has done and what he never did. I loved him for who he was, I loved his pain, i loved how he smiles at me, I loved how he seemed to need me to make him feel safe, like how I make him feel that at that precise moment he has a place in this planet where he truly belongs, where he was always wanted.
I actually felt terribly sad that I can’t do it anymore because I was hurt so much. And I’m just too scared. Scared too much to go through the same pain again.
But I shall not forget those afternoons where we’ll just hang out at the soccer field clutching our favourite drinks and favourite snack food---chicharon. I shall not forget how he used to surprise me with fruits at my doorstep. I shall not forget how we laugh our hearts out till it's impossible to breath. I shall not forget how blissfull it was as we used to cuddle and talk about making our own family and how afraid we were to lose each other. I shall not forget how he used to help me with my laundry when I'm feeling to lazy to do it my own. I shall not forget how sweet he was when he’ll ask me to cook him corned beef. I shall not forget how silly we can get around each other. I shall not forget how we giggle while walking at the mall and laugh like nothing in the world ever matters. I shall not forget how safe it feels to go out and go to Fuente Osmena with him at 3 in the morning. I shall never forget how we adore and desire each other. I shall never forget how crazy we can get around each other. I shall never forget how happy we were while we eat our breakfast together.
I shall never forget that once, on April 13, 2008, there was Banaku and Asawaku. And yabku and cilingan.
| Meiko - Under My Bed .mp3 | ||
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 | Found at bee mp3 search engine |  |
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